We went to Toys R Us last night to reserve a copy of Super Mario Galaxy. I really don't have time to play it right now, so it will be my main Christmas gift this year (even though I intend to have my daughter open it, she loves Mario). But we wanted to pick it up this week because it will ease our Christmas expenses a little bit. We were buying the game anyway, might as well get the extra $25, right?

Anyhow, we always let our children play with the display toys when we go. Ostensibly, it gives us a better sense of our children's tastes in toys. In reality, it gives them a chance to do something new and different, which sadly is not the kind of experience I can afford to give to them on a regular basis. (Yet!) And in the process, I get to see what is going on in the toy world.

Realize that, while I was working at GoDaddy back in 2005-2006, I probably went to Toys R Us once a week. I also hit the toy aisle at three different Wal-Marts about as often. All to say nothing of my violent eBay addiction. I was a collector with a good income; sure, we were saving, but what's a Jackson a week when you earn more than that in an hour?

It's a cheap way to scratch a massive itch, that's what.

The Coolest Action Figures Ever

The crown jewels in my action figure collection include 20th Anniversary Optimus Prime flanked by a handful of Alternators; the complete Able Squad from Exo Squad, a massive collection of Marvel Legends, and of course the full run of the Stikfas-inspired Xevoz. I have others--Final Fantasy VIII, Dragonball Z, Gundam, some He-Man redux, and a slew of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles--but notice something about my "crown jewels." What do those fabulous toys all have in common?

Answer: they are all highly poseable, magnificently sculpted representations of characters with great stories. Another acceptable answer: all of the toys mentioned as favorites except Exo Squad were created in the first six years of the new millennium.

Coincidence?

Well, I won't bore you with the reason (oil prices) for this trend. It is true that I can't really afford to be collecting right now, but please don't see this as any variant of sour grapes (you'll see why in a moment). Most of the toys I hold up as examples of greatness really were designed to appeal to collectors (again, with Exo Squad as the obvious outlier). They are a little too breakable for young children, and the sculpts on a lot of the characters reflect their 80's and 90's incarnations. Kids these days want video games, not action figures, et cetera.

And last night at Toys R Us, it was plain that someone finally realized this.

Christmas 2007

I have not been in a Toys R Us in months. But last night, I saw one aisle--previously reserved for action figures--completely covered with cheap musical instruments (thank you, Guitar Hero). Almost every action figure in the building was shelved in a single row, instead of the "usual" 3 or 4. And those action figures were all trash. Save a solitary Avatar figure hanging on a lonely peg and a handful of Marvel Legends (which as a line appears to be barely hanging on), not a single figure on the shelves appealed to me. Worse, not a single figure on the shelves looked to me like something a child would enjoy.

Part of me wonders if the toy industry finally perfected the art of toymaking and, having done so, realized that doing it right just isn't cost-effective. Whatever the reason, though, nothing on the shelves could compare to the brilliance of Xevoz or the playability of Marvel Legends or the sheer engineering brilliance of Transformers Alternators. There weren't even any Ninja Turtles, which have always had decent sculpts even though their articulation falls short.

So I wandered back toward my children, wondering if video games had well and truly killed the toymaking industry forever. After all, it was a good ten or twelve years ago when toys for younger children--LEGOs and the like--lost touch. The build-Hogwarts-with-eight-specially-molded-pieces LEGOs were the worst; specially molded pieces are practically useless to the imagination of a child. And Rescue Heroes? Honestly, the toys were great, but where's my super-powered heroes? The old "Spider-man and Friends" line was still around, but... as the father of three children, I found myself hoarding the few good toys I could find against a future Christmas dominated by... something. Not toys.

(That's right. My kids are getting Spider-man and Friends for Christmas--toys I started purchasing and saving almost 3 years ago).

Shock and Awe

So imagine my surprise, as I walked down the LEGO aisle, to find myself stopping and staring. I wrote LEGOs off years ago. The challenging but ultimately amazing spaceships of my childhood had long since been replaced by pre-fab, licensed-property junk. And yet here was this Imperial Star Destroyer made, not from a slew of pre-fab pieces, but from traditional blocks-and-flats-and-hinges (which construction excuses the pre-fab garnishments d^_^b). I continued down the aisle; the LEGO Mars Mission looked pretty sweet as well. Then I found... DC Heroes Toddler Toys!?!? Talk about filling the Spider-man and Friends niche with something even better! Even the stuffed animals seem softer, better stitched, more engaging than the glassy-eyed teddy-bears and tickle-me-Elmos of yesteryear.

As I wandered around the "3-8 Years" section of Toys R Us, I was awed. Just as the market forgets how to make a great toy for us in the "13-100 Years" demographic, they remember what it means to entertain children. These are the kinds of toys every child should have; LEGOs that inspire the imagination and can be rebuilt in endless variety; iconic, larger-than-life heroes; plastic dinosaurs that don't look like they were sloppily molded by third-world slave labor.

I don't need toys that teach my children to respect park rangers, firefighters, and the environment. I don't need cheap toys that make me feel like I'm providing "something" or my children even though I'm broke as a joke. Most kids would rather have one nice toy than fifty cheap knock-offs. And I definitely don't need toys that sacrifice play value in an attempt to capitalize on popular licenses--toys shaped like people and animals ought to move, at least a little!

Licenses should be used to sell themselves, not to sell something else. I don't need a Superman gumball machine or an "Aqua-adventure Spider-man." I need Superman and Spiderman in recognizable costumes and some enemies for them to pummel. I need LEGOs that can be a Star Destroyer or a Haunted House, depending on their configuration. Heck, I even need Barbies--but they better be fairy-tale Barbies, none of this modernistic, "lawyers-and-doctors-rule" trash.

I need toys that inspire my children with feats of impossible heroism, toys that ask not "how should the world be?" but "how could the world be?" I need toys that encourage them to imagine the possibilities, to build something new from something old, to make their own mark on the world.

I will not buy crap toys for my children. Toys are way too important.

Fortunately, this Christmas sees a resurgence of good toys for young children. And since I can't really afford to be collecting right now, I'll take solace in the fact that my kids should have a pretty good Christmas, whether or not they like Spider-man and Friends. So if you have tweens and teens, just get them the video games they want. But if you have little kids: it's a good time to be you, because it's a great time to be them.